Sweat Saturday

Today was a very challenging day. All I wanted to do was stay in bed feeling sorry for myself. The sun was out. I had no excuse not to go outside and work on my running. I found myself in a very ugly place mentally. Why, oh, why did I talk myself into this? I am not going to have enough time to train? It's going to be hot, etc., etc., etc. It took me about two hours to get out of my head and out of the door. I was totally convinced it was going to suck! Guess what? It didn't! I complete eat run with no problem. It felt great! I was shocked!

Don't it make my brown eyes blue

Where, oh, where to begin?

I've been experiencing painful urination for about two weeks now. I thought it was kidney stones; others were saying UTI. Well, I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm having bladder spasms. I'm not emptying my bladder completely. I have this constant urge to go to the bathroom.

So, the doctor gives me this medication (UTA tablets) that have turned my urine this radioactive green. I am sooooo miserable.

I cancel my training session today and Kimberly rips into me. If you don't feel like working out, Sheila, just tell me! (I cancelled last Monday because I wasn't feeling well.) She goes on and on about consistency, blah, blah, blah...I tuned out. I was pissed. I'm not lying! I don't feel well! I know I'm feeling very vulnerable and sensitive and down right now so I tried not to react and take out my frustrations on her. I listened and said see you on Monday. I know she's just doing her job.

It looks like I'm not going to be able to participate in my first fitness event. As much as I was anxious about it, I am now pretty bummed about it. I'm supposed to do the Polar Bear 5K on Saturday. Heck, I have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. This medication is making me groggy.

Have I whined enough yet? Lol!

What else? My relationship is on the rocks. At first I was okay with it. Now, the reality of being separated is sinking in. It's been three weeks.

The bright side in all this is that I know stress is one of my triggers. So far, I haven't resorting to eating away my emotions. I have been focusing on prayer, meditation, and working out when I can.

Today I was thinking of a song we used to sing in church. I don't remember all the words but I do remember the line - these trials come to make me strong.

I am strong! I will get through this. I am not going to let a few little trivial obstacles knock me off my path.

-Who cares if Kimberly thought I was lying?
-There will be plenty of 5Ks to walk!
-If my relationship is over, so be it.

Okay, my pity party is over.

Mind Over Matter

You have no idea what your body is capable of doing.

This is the message I got loud and clear while meditating last night.

My mind is the thing that comes up with all the limitations. With proper nutrition and training, I will and can complete this race (pun intended). I will embrace the present and stop worrying about the future. Tomorrow is not promised. All I have is today.

I remember how irritated I would get with my mother when we’d ask her if we could do something and she was respond:

If the Lord is willing….

-Mom, can we go to the park tomorrow?
-If the Lord’s willing….

I hated that answer! Are we going to the park or not? She would be so amused.
She would smile and say, you don’t even know if we’ll be here tomorrow. I guess
there are some who would think this a morbid thing to say to your children. Lol! My parents kept it real with us. They were always pretty direct with us. No sugarcoating in my family. Lol!

When you think about it, she was right. Tomorrow is not promised. All we have is today. My mother knew how to live in the now. All we have is the present. She was teaching me not to worry about the future and just live and enjoy the present moment. I’m still working on this lesson. There are times my mind is all over the place sometimes when I walk:

Am I going to make it? Do I look stupid?
Am I walking fast enough? Am I walking too slow?
How long have I been walking? Am I going to be the
last person to finish the race? Am I going to be the
only person walking?

Blah, blah, blah…. In the meantime, I am not enjoying the Presence, enjoying the fresh air,
enjoying the sights and sounds, enjoying the smiling faces that greet me, enjoying doing something loving for myself.

In this moment, the words of the Scriptures come to me:

Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief!

The Beginner's Mind

Earlier today I read a post about approaching a fitness program with a beginner's mind. This post really resonated with me. This week was all about surrendering to the process. I did my best to follow my plan.

For instance, on Thursday I was scheduled to walk 10 minutes. The ego kept telling me it wasn't enough. I could go longer, the ego said. I'm not going to get any results walking 10 minutes, the ego continued. I'm perfectly capable of walking longer.

This isn't the point, ego! My goal is to complete this plan with as much compliance as possible. The plan obviously works. Others have used it with much success. So, I completed my 10 minutes knowing I was physically capable of doing more.